This will ring a bell with operators whose schools’ business has been decimated by the nanny state…
They’ve banned most of the snacks and drinks that kids like from tuck shops and vending machines, but now one school has gone even further – it’s banning triangular flap jacks.
We kid you not. Castle View School on Canvey Island, Essex, is the culprit. Why have they taken such a stance? Because one of the kiddy-winks was hurt after being hit by a triangular flap jack. Bless.
Apparently, square or rectangular flap jacks are not so dangerous as their three-sided cousins. Hurl one at a child and the 90 degree angles of the square variety will bounce off the target, but those nasty triangular ones, with 60 degree angles, can really cut a kid up. And we’re not talking infants here: Castle View is a specialist science college.
So, the caterers are under orders to banish triangles, a move which, no doubt, will have the nice people at Dairylea beside themselves with fear.
Believe it or not, Castle View has issued a press release that ‘can confirm that the texture and shape of the flapjacks were reviewed after an isolated incident’.
The school has not reviewed its policy on cutlery, however. If they did, they’d probably withdraw all the knives in favour of spoons, and the crockery in favour of paper plates.
Can we infer from this latest lunacy that it’s a matter of time before the demise of pencils (too pointy), pencil sharpeners (obvious really, what’s keeping them?), knee-length socks (potential danger of strangulation) and plimsolls, which, if removed from the feet, might be used as a corporal weapon?
What is the world coming to? Answers on a postcard…
UPDATE: March 26
We’re not the only ones who think this is story to be filed under ‘The World’s Gone Mad’. According to the BBC, even the Health and Safety Executive are beside themselves: ‘We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit. The real issue isn’t what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other – and that’s a matter of discipline, and has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it. We’re happy to make clear that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing.’
And that’s coming from the guys who banned conkers. Blimey.
